vidaBooms

Weekends

I was looking forward to this weekend. The week had been especially punishing. Then Friday happened. I wanted to be there for all of them. The woman I love. My wife. I ignored her for fear of another fight. The woman I am passionately in love with, I spent the majority of the day with on the phone, offering support, wanting her. The relationship is evolving at a comfort that we both expressed. And then there is the friend that I love because I can turn to her and be reminded that I do offer the world something special.
My wife says she is obsessed with me. Who the fuck deserves that? I once believe that I was out of my league with her. I kept her on a pedestal. And then life happened. Children happened. Her true self was revealed. Strong feelings of dislike boiled up from my heart. Time has passed and so much has occurred. There is no return to “normal”. I learned there never really wasn’t any. I haven’t held her in months. I miss that however I know it will not happen again. The relationship died two or three years ago. It was like a distant, dying star. By the time we on Earth witness its death, it had died light years ago. I am witnessing the last vestiges of my dead marriage that died years ago.
I am in love with a woman that seems to be the female version of me. I want no one else and desire her time. She desires me also. I told myself that I would not end our relationship regardless of what occurs. I’m committed to her. Forever now. I miss her.
Then there is my friend, who I adore. Her relationship with her #1 guy is crashing. She deserves better treatment. I love her dearly and want her to be treated well. She deserves that.

The emotions involved is taxing… I need balance…

I want the weekend to be over. Now.

Parents

Met with parents last night. They now know I am seeking divorce. They said that financially it would be catastrophic for me. Ma said that I can count on every dime going towards the settlement. No more “Fashion Dave”.

K made it clear. I do get to have my cake and eat it too.

Why is it that moments after we sit down to talk about my family’s finances that my parents begin to argue?
Idiots. Nice way to set the tone.

Alright then. Last night was wonderful. It was obvious we wanted to be together. Breathing her in. Taste of her. Her lines mesmerizing. Exotic and naive. She surrendered to me and it aroused her.
Blu said that she would need to align with me if my feelings are to be reciprocated. I tell her that I love her. She asked if I would ever leave her. I said, despite my every effort to do so, I won’t, I can’t. As L was texting her, I was inside her. We are committed to one another. She and I are now aligned.

I’m waiting. I’m waiting for her to get ready. I can’t do that from the house because we’re not ready for that right now. Or so I like to think. I’m in a public space because it’s easier to maintain your composure in public. I could easily walk into a theater alone, watch a film and go home. “Easily”, I tell myself. However, I stay and wait. Wait for her.

Damn her. She is so much like me. Simplicity:complexity. Calm. The venom. Outlier and outcast. What was it, I asked her, that made this happen? We dunno. It came naturally and we keep asking for more from one another.

The anxiety is mostly gone. Regained most of my focus and concentration. I’ve been here before. It ended in having a wife. And she knows about this.

Game time!!!! (@ U.S. Cellular Field) [pic]: http://4sq.com/Md5CPO