I was looking forward to this weekend. The week had been especially punishing. Then Friday happened. I wanted to be there for all of them. The woman I love. My wife. I ignored her for fear of another fight. The woman I am passionately in love with, I spent the majority of the day with on the phone, offering support, wanting her. The relationship is evolving at a comfort that we both expressed. And then there is the friend that I love because I can turn to her and be reminded that I do offer the world something special.
My wife says she is obsessed with me. Who the fuck deserves that? I once believe that I was out of my league with her. I kept her on a pedestal. And then life happened. Children happened. Her true self was revealed. Strong feelings of dislike boiled up from my heart. Time has passed and so much has occurred. There is no return to “normal”. I learned there never really wasn’t any. I haven’t held her in months. I miss that however I know it will not happen again. The relationship died two or three years ago. It was like a distant, dying star. By the time we on Earth witness its death, it had died light years ago. I am witnessing the last vestiges of my dead marriage that died years ago.
I am in love with a woman that seems to be the female version of me. I want no one else and desire her time. She desires me also. I told myself that I would not end our relationship regardless of what occurs. I’m committed to her. Forever now. I miss her.
Then there is my friend, who I adore. Her relationship with her #1 guy is crashing. She deserves better treatment. I love her dearly and want her to be treated well. She deserves that.
The emotions involved is taxing… I need balance…
I want the weekend to be over. Now.